| Life Goes On |
[Sep. 18th, 2009|10:30 am] |
I hate the subject line...I always want to put the same generic phrases. I rarely have any 'themed' posts that require a heading.
Anyhow, life marches on as usual. This semester is turning out to even more work intensive than I expected. For example, this week I had approximately 200 pages of reading to do. In addition, I had to present my first photo project, begin shooting my next photo project, prepare a 4-5 page case study of the rhetorical approach of an organization to an environmental issue, work through a long problem set in Mathematica ( a computer modeling software that I' unfamiliar with ), and select a paper examining the population dynamics in a field setting to prepare a 15 minute presentation on. Amongst all of this, I am still expected to work 25 hours over the weekend, cook, clean, do laundry, and entertain my live-in boyfriend. Not to mention, until this morning, I didn't have my Adderall. So, getting any work done has been interesting. I've been tired, lethargic, and generally unfocused - exactly what you'd expect with out my medication. Dr. Carr was a douche and wouldn't write me a new script until I made up for the appointment with him I missed. So I had to live without if for a week and a half. Not pleasant. Of course, going back on it has me all cracked out, hence me writing this post. I can type at like a million words a minute right now. Plus, I'm harvesting my farm on facebook and researching my paper while I do this. Thats the power of modern medicine.
On the subject of my mother's condition. I spoke to my father about it yesterday, and it turns out that whatever is happening isn't life threatening. They've already ruled out all the serious stuff like early onset Alzheimer's, dementia, and cancer. So, while I know this has to be frustrating for her, I wish she wouldn't have gotten me all worked up like that. She could have told me in the first place that she wasn't in any immediate risk of death of psychological incapacitation. So, that's somewhat of a relief. The problem now is that I have to talk to her (like, tonight) about money because my accounts receivable bill at Tulane still needs to be paid off. I don't think she put the 1000 from my grandparents in there (because, I'm sure, she forgot) and I don't know what she's planning on doing about the other 1700. Any way, I'm sure she's not going to be happy talking about it, and she'll probably make me feel like shit for asking her about it. I really want to ask her to send me some money for fall clothes sometime before October, because (believe it or not) New Orleans is starting to cool off. The problem is that all my clothes from last fall are too big. I've lost 30 lbs. since then, and, thus, have gone down 1-2 t-shirt sizes and 4 inches down in my waist. So, obviously, I look a little silly in the jeans and long-sleeve stuff I own now. It's not like I want to go on a shopping spree, but I could really use about 5 pairs of jeans, 5 new t-shirts, 5 new long-sleeve tops, and a jacket for this fall. I've already picked out a few things that I'd like, and I'm making sure that they're within the normal amount I'd spend on winter clothes. I'm determined to get this AMAZING Voclom jacket from Urban Outfitters. It's gorgeous, and it only costs 160$, which is what I spend, on average, for my winter jacket.
Alex got a quasi-job answering text questions for KGB from my laptop at home. If he spends as much time on it as he say's he will he could actually make a few hundred bucks a month doing it. Of course, we have yet to see if that'll happen. He's not good at committing to things like that, and he tends to get easily distracted. Either way, it won't be enough money for him to support himself with, but it would at least help cover my costs until he can find a full time job. Unfortunately, the job hunt has really slowed down. Half because Alex is starting to give up, and half because there aren't a lot of places left that he can apply at. Either way, I hope that this figures itself out as soon as possible. Living with him really isn't bad at all. The only time its bothersome is when I need to do homework. Most of the time he gives me my space, but he can interrupt every once and a while. Hopefully, now that I have medication back, I'll be able to focus better anyways.
In good news, I went to find some graffiti to shoot for a photo project and found some amazing stuff. I went to these abandon warehouses along the river in the warehouse district. I'd been there before to shoot some of the old buildings and the closed down power plant, but I hadn't really explored some of the back alleys and stuff. Anyhow, Alex and I went down this old access road between these two closed down buildings and found a hidden world of art. Like, not vulgar graffiti, or gang tags, but really beautiful images and lettering. We even found a door open to one of the warehouses, and inside everything was covered in graffiti. It turns out (I read in an old news article online) that the warehouse had been turned into an underground night club after Katrina. There were empty beer cans and decorations all over the floor, it was eerie and surprisingly beautiful at the same time. Needless to say, I got some amazing photos. I really hope to go back soon, in the morning when the sun illuminates the opposite walls, and shoot some more. I want to bring some high speed film back too so that I can get better shots of the interior work.
Anyhow, the only other news is that my hot water has been out for three days now, so I've had to shower at Sara's and Sam's. I also haven't been able to wash the dishes to cook with, so I've been ordering food. Hopefully, it will all be fixed today, because it's a bitch and half to drive all over the city before work trying to cleaned up.
Well, now I'm going to be late for class. So, until another time.
~Nick |
|
|
| Fuck My Life |
[Sep. 13th, 2009|12:30 am] |
So, things continue going as they have been. Alex living with me, jobless, and still trying. I don't know what he's going to do, he tried applying to be a cook/maid for old gay men. But, neither I nor he really wants that, so no new news there. I'm trying to get him to get back out and start walking from door to door applying at hotels and wherever else he can find. I really wish he'd start doing more around the house to make up for living here. He tries to clean and do dishes and what not, but he rarely gets it done. He gets fed up with chores after like 15 minutes and just gives up. I have no idea what he actually spends his time doing at home.
I got a little behind in school, right from the start, because Borders begged me to pick up two extra shifts for them to help them get stock on the shelves before inventory begins tomorrow. I've caught up now, but involved reading any spare moment I had, including during my breaks at work. I also missed the orientation for my service learning program, half because I'm retarded, and half because the calendar on my computer has randomly stopped working (so I don't get alerts about upcoming events anymore).
I got horrible news today. I called my mom today to see when she'd be sending me the rest of my money for September. She gave me my money for rent a few weeks ago, but never sent me money for this month's bills. Turns out that she's having "health issues." For some yet unknown reason, she's become very forgetful and inattentive. She's been out of work for two weeks now and doesn't know if she'll be going back because she can't function. It's not getting any better either. It means that she's having trouble keeping track of the bills, finances, and everything else. She's having to go in for all kinds of tests and the doctor's bills are already starting to pile up. I don't know what she's going to do, and I don't think she does either. I'm absolutely fucking TERRIFIED. I mean, she could have early onset Alzheimer's or a brain tumor. It's really scary, and I know its killing my mom because she's so out of her element. It also means that I no longer have any financial support from my family. Without work and with all the medical bills, they have no money to send me at all. So, I'm going from broke, to scary broke. If I don't make enough money to pay the bills, there's no one to bail me out. Even worse, fall and the holidays are coming up, so there wont be any money for me to buy winter clothes with, and Christmas will certainly be interesting.
I found out all of this at work today and broke down in tears on the phone with Alex afterwords. It took everything else I had to make through the rest of the shift. Now I'm sitting at home getting drunk on cheap malt liquor. (They have this new stuff called FOUR Loko, it tastes like a Fruit Punch Rockstar, but has as much alcohol as four beers). Anyhow. I'm still in a state of shock, I don't know what's going to happen. My mom even asked me to try and set aside gas money to come home for the holiday's because she doubts they'll be able to afford to pay for that.
I don't know how this is going to unfold, my mom is being kind of hushed about it....
I'll keep you updated.
~Nick |
|
|
| I know... |
[Aug. 29th, 2009|01:19 am] |
...it's been awhile. I just haven't got around to it. Nothing of import has happened. I've just been doing the same old same old. Work, care for Alex, try to squeeze in sleep. School has started, but has been uneventful. All my classes look like they're going to be okay. Environmental Chem. is going to be a bunch of shit I've already learned. Environmental Communication is going to be fairly boring and abstract. My graduate course are going to be difficult, and photo is going to be time consuming. Pretty much what I expected. It'll be nice to be back in the rhythm though. I HAVE to get away from Borders. This job sucks so much...i resent every moment I spend in that store. The problem is that I still can't look for a job, because Alex has to find one first. He's starting to wear REALLY thin. I'm tired of him claiming that today he's going to "clean the apartment from head to toe." Only to come home and find that the place is in worse condition then I found it. He cooks and doesn't clean the dishes. He showers and leaves his dirty clothes everywhere. Other random ecoutrements are strewn about the place. I spend half an hour after class or work cleaning up the mess he's made. I've tried to make it very clear how much it bothers me and he just doesn't seem to get it. He's away with his friend Brittany at a concert tonight. So, I have a few hours to myself. I'm making the most of it. Updating my journal, relaxing, drinking, etc.
Tomorrow is the - now reduced - apartment crawl. Originally we were going from my place, to Sara's place, to Sam's place; but, Sam has had to cut his place out because of size, distance, and driving concerns. Regardless, it's going to involve a good 15-20 people crammed into Sara and I's places. I had to drop too much money on booze to satisfy my guests. But, I need this chance to reconnect with friends that I haven't seen in awhile. I'm going to need them if I'm going to get through this year unscathed.
Other than that...whatever. My mood is medically stabilized, so nothing can upset me too much. That's for the time being though. Hope nothing gets messed up. I saw Shawna the other day for a check in. Just wanted to vent a little bit on someone other than Sam.
An important stressor has been introduced - I am now perilously close to maxing out the ridiculous credit limit on my CitiCard. If I can't make more money, cut costs, or start getting money from Alex I'm not going to be able to afford to pay for groceries, let alone everything else. I'm going to have to ask my mom for more money, even though the money from my grandparents should be more than enough. I don't know how this is going to get fixed, but hopefully it will be soon.
Anyhow, I'll save some more bitching for later.
~Yeah |
|
|
| Even 450 Miles Isn’t Enough…. |
[Aug. 13th, 2009|02:48 pm] |
….to escape the plethora of problems plaguing me in New Orleans. I only lost cell service for one afternoon. As soon as I got it back, Alex magically had a cell phone again, after nearly a month with out one. Its not that I didn’t want to talk to him; its just further proof that even here, in the middle of nowhere, I can’t escape my problems. The good news is that I now have a check for 5,000 dollars to put in my bank account. 4000 of it is actually going to my mom’s account since she doesn’t trust me to use it only for my bills. The other thousand is to cover next month’s rent and the rest of this month’s bills. In only 12 hours I’ll be back on my way to New Orleans. Greeting me will be more late nights at Borders, more taking care of Alex, and more worrying about money and school, and everything else.
Unfortunately, Alex lost his job at Bacco’s after only 2 weeks. It wasn’t his fault; they just thought he “wasn’t cut out for fine dining.” Which I don’t believe for a second; Alex is a really good waiter. They must have just not like something about him, I don’t know if it was his personality, or him being gay, or whatever, but it sucks. Now I have to wait for him to find another job, get trained, start working full time, and save up enough money for a down payment and first months rate. With the way he spends money that could take forever. He burned through all 300$ of his Bacco paycheck real quick. He even spent 40$ at the casino with me. While I understand the need to have fun, and I enjoy going to the casino with Alex, I would think that I might not spend money like that if I didn’t have a home of my own.
Its just tough supporting two people on a job that doesn’t pay enough to support one. I have to buy him food, pay for gas to take him places, get him clothes and stuff for work. If we do anything like go out I have to cover all of his drinks. Not to mention I spend a lot of time driving him around looking for jobs, buying groceries, running his errands, etc., etc. I don’t have a lot of free time as it is, and what time I do now belongs to Alex. I spend forever trying to keep my apartment clean, he’s just not as neat as I am and tends to let things get a bit messy. So I have to pick up his dirty clothes, clean up his trash, put the bed and couch linens together after him. Cooking for two people every night generates a massive quantity of dishes, and even though he always says he’s going to take care of them, he’s done once maybe twice now. I just can’t handle any extra work. Not to mention, having zero time to myself is stressful. I have to watch the way I act and talk so I don’t upset or bother Alex. I can’t read a book, because I have to do something with Alex. So, instead of doing things I need or want to do, I just watch movies and TV series with him anytime I’m not busy.
The worst part is that it’s fucking with the sex. Living under these conditions destroys my sex drive. Alex manages to stay horny whatever is going on. I just stop wanting sex when I get stressed out. I know Alex is expecting sex from me the minute I get home, and the sad thing is, I’m going to have to work up the resolve to just do it so that I can get it over with. Its not that I’m not attracted to Alex, or that I don’t love him, or that I don’t want to have sex with him, or anything at all like that. I just don’t want to fool around. PERIOD. Of course, if I told that to Alex it would just upset him and each day he’d just pester me more and more trying to get me to fuck him. That just frustrates me more and makes me want to have sex even less. If this relationship is ever going to work Alex is going to have to move out, and I’m going to have to de-stress. Hopefully, being financially secure will help out with that.
Other than that, Alex is great. He’s really nice, really understanding, and really fun. I think this relationship has a lot of potential and could work really well if it doesn’t get smothered.
In other news, I’m visiting Sam for lunch on the way into town tomorrow. He’ll be moving back to the city on the 15th. He decided to just get an apartment in Demming Pavillion, which is a building in Tulane’s med-center. Hopefully that means he won’t be needing his futon back, because I’d rather not have to buy a new couch. His bike got chop-shopped while locked up behind my apartment, so I’m already going to have to come up with 400$ for that. Hopefully that means I’ll get to go back to hanging out with my friends more often, I really need them right now. I need to get out of my apartment and see other people.
Arkansas, which I didn’t really get to talk about before I came, has gone decently. I went fishing a couple of times. I managed to catch a 7lb./25in. catfish, which is a record for the pond here. Unfortunately, I managed to get a sunburn in the process. Worse, its from the glare coming off the lake, so its only around my eyes. I look like a pink raccoon. Its itchy rather than tender, which is even worse, and its puffed up now so I look sick, or beaten. Hopefully it will subside some before I roll into work on Thursday. Other than that I basically just played board games and the Wii with Gregory, Austin, and his girlfriend Linley (sp?). I don’t really like her very much anymore. She’s overly competitive and gets all pissy every time we play a game. She nags at Gregory about complaining when he’s behind and bragging when he’s ahead (which he doesn’t do much), but does just that (but so much worse) when she’s ahead or behind. She’s really bossy to Austin and is always putting him down. She’s constantly trying to one up everyone. She wanted to make potato fries instead of letting me make my garlic mashed potatoes for dinner tonight (cuz “THEY’RE THE BEST!!”) Dude, we get it, you’re good at cooking and at games. She must have been neglected as a child. I don’t mean that in a mean way, I just think that’s why she constantly has to prove herself.
Anyhow, I don’t feel like getting into that. I’m sure there’s a million other things I could go on about right now, but, I just took a Seroquel with my beer, so I’m going to be out cold in a few minutes.
~Peace |
|
|
| Tired... |
[Jul. 24th, 2009|06:12 pm] |
I'm exhausted, but I'll try to make this entry interesting.
Alex is still living with me. He finally got a job, at Bacco, which is fine dining restaurant. He'll be making plenty of money there, so hopefully he'll be able to get an apartment in a few weeks after he's been able to set some money aside. It's been a little shaky though...we hard to work to get him to pass the piss test, because we smoked that night with Jordan right before he got hired. Then we had to get him a plain white dress shirt for his uniform...fortunately his aunt sent him 75$ dollars, so he paid for that and a new ID so he could finish up his paperwork. This morning though, my alarm didn't go off because my phone charger wasn't plugged into the wall. So, he missed the first half of his double, and hopefully that won't fuck him over. He's working tonight though, so I guess he's ok for now. Anyhow, he needs to start bringing some money home, because its too expensive to feed him and buy him cigarettes and all of that business. What bothers me more is that he can't stop talking about a trip to Amsterdam he wants to take over christmas break. I really wish he'd focus on getting a place and getting set up before he starts thinking about setting money aside for an elaborate vacation. Its too stressful having him around the apartment all the time. I haven't had a moment to myself and I have to cook for him and clean up after him. I spent all day today cleaning, doing dishes, and helping him get ready for work. Hence me being exhausted. I still have only managed to finish half the dishes because I ran out of room to dry them. What was worse was that I had let some of them sit for a week, and they had mold on them, and it was gross.
My birthday was fairly unexciting. Alex and I went to the French Quarter, because I thought I'd be getting a free hurricane at Pat O'Brians and a free bottle of champagne at The Pub, but neither of those happened. Plus, I wanted to go to the casino, since I've never been before, but I could only stay for like 10 minutes because Alex didn't have an ID yet and couldn't get in. So the next day I dropped Alex off at work and went back to the casino. Since it was still my birthday I got to spin this special slot machine to get free credits for the slots. I won a 100$!! So I got to play the slots for almost 4 hours for free! I got free drinks and had a shit ton of fun. I dropped like 40$ on tips for drinks, some more slot credits, and some video poker, but it was totally worth it. My visit got cut short though because they sent Alex home early since he wasn't in full uniform. So, I want to go back soon. It was nice to get away from everyone for awhile, and playing the slots is fun, especially the free drinks. They have this Star Trek video slot thing that has all these special features and bonus rounds...its soooo cool. I was up 20$ (and its a 2 cent machine) for awhile. The guy next to me put in a 20 and left with 250$! But anyhow, I just want to take like 20 bucks with me and play the penny slots for a couple hours, have a few drinks. I signed up for a free rewards card that keeps track of how much you play and gives you free stuff in return. I already earned a free lunch buffet. Plus, if I play for just 30 minutes I get free parking in their garage, which will save me 10 or 15 bucks anytime I go to the quarter. That more than pays back the money I put into the slots. That's pretty much the reason when its fun. I could never win more than a couple hundred dollars on the penny slots, but that's not what its really about. Its just relaxing and fun, and I don't really expect to leave with any winnings. When I'm up on the machine, it just means I can play longer. Anyhow, now that Alex has an ID he can come hang out with me while I play, so it doesn't really matter.
We're having sex again, which I guess is good, but, unfortunately, I've ended up as the "bottom". Alex still isn't able to bottom, so I've been doing it. Which is fine and all, but I just don't want to end up as THE bottom. Sam heard tell of our problems from Sara, including the eviction/craziness drama and sent me a quasi-bitchy message on facebook about how I needed to suck it up and "fuck my boyfriend". Alex read the message over my shoulder and got all antsy about it, and then I got snappy with him for doing that. I don't read his messages. The good news is that Sam will be back in a week, so I'll get to see him soon. I really do miss him, I wish he would have been here for my birthday. Sara needs him too...Betsy decided to be a total cunt and told Sara to "forget her (phone) number" because she thinks Sara is drinking too much. I don't know why Sara catches shit for drinking all the time. Most of her friends drink more than she does, and her drinking doesn't effect her work life or her finances or anything. It wouldn't effect her personal life if her friends didn't give her shit about it. I don't know what they're worried about. Anyhow, she needs some fun to cheer her up, and Sam will definitely put her in a much better mood. He's not going to moving down to the city until a little bit before school starts, but he's going to come visit for a weekend of something pretty soon after he comes back. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get roped into helping him find an apartment, and I'll probably be helping Alex look for an apartment. I don't mind though, apartment shopping is ok.
Finances are still a big problem right now. I have some cash on hand now, but I owe 240 on the paycheck advance I took out a couple weeks ago. So, I'm going to have a couple hundred of dollars towards rent this month. Which means my mom is going to have to chip in again, which is going to piss her off. I don't have much of a choice though, finding another job has been impossible. Not to mention, I've pretty much run out of places to apply. I was scheduled for an interview at Macy's but I didn't go because I know I would hate working in a department store. With school starting back in four weeks it's pointless to search for a job now. By the time I got through the interview, hiring, and training I'd be able to work for like a week before I had to quit because of school. I'm definitely staying with Borders during the school year so that I can have some money for groceries, gas, booze, etc. Plus, I'd really like to avoid putting anything else on my credit card so I can try to pay it down a little bit. I'm way to close to my credit limit and I'd be fucked in an emergency situation. I've already cut ALL unnecessary costs. No more going to the movies, going out to eat, ordering food, etc. If I keep doing that I'll end up hitting my limit, and then I won't even be able to feed myself. Fortunately, next month my student loans will kick in to cover tuition. I'm only going to be a tiny bit short this semester, they bumped up my aid now that Austin is going to college too. If I weren't living off campus the money my grandparents give me would cover the rest of it. But, I'm going to have to use that money to pay rent and bills because taking out a personal loan for that stuff would be much more expensive than using my grandparents money for all that stuff and taking out more loans for school. Unfortunately, my mom wants to go over all my expenses when I see her next so that I can budget and so she can dole out monthly "stipends" from my grandparents money (so that "every penny of it goes ONLY toward your NECESSARY expenses"). The problem is, she thinks I pay 30$ less than I do for cable because she doesn't know that I have digital and Showtime. She also doesn't know that I have a nearly 200$ credit card bill each month because she doesn't know I have a credit card. Anyhow, she should be thankful I have one, or she would have had to fork over 100s of dollars more to cover food and gas.
In that same vein, I'm going up to Arkansas for four days the second week of August to visit with my family. It should be nice. I'll get to relax, fish, play games, etc. Not worry about all the stresses of home. It is a bitch though to keep all my tattoos and piercings hidden around my grandparents since I have to wear long pants and at least mid-length sleeves. It'll be sooo hot, but sooo necessary. My parents already know, but my grandparents would DIE. The bigger problem is that I'll probably have to leave Alex alone at my place for 4 days. I really hope he doesn't destroy the place. Plus, that boy needs a lot of help. I cook his food, iron his shirt, tie his tie, and drive him too and from work. He's going to end up taking the street car a lot an eating a bunch of junk food.
In other good news, my parents sent me 210 dollars for my b-day (get it...21x10). I'm going to take it and buy a desk and chair from office depot, I found the perfect one for only 175 all together after tax. So that'll leave me with 30 bucks to blow on booze and fun for my b-day this weekend. Hopefully I'll be able to go pick it up tomorrow so I can get all this shit off my floor.
Anyhow, I'm about to get ready to go out with Sara and Claire (who drove down for the weekend) to watch them get fleur-de-lis tattoos. Tomorrow night is partying. So, I hope that was exhaustive enough, much longer than I expected.
~till then
Nick |
|
|
| The Plot Thickens |
[Jul. 17th, 2009|01:00 am] |
So yeah...interesting developments since this past weekend.
Alex gets evicted, his mother locks him out of his bank account, and he is left homeless. So, of course, who takes him in? I do...so now I have my boyfriend of 3 (or 5) months living with me. No job, no money, no nothing. Just a car full of his boxes. Its not going to be easy. I have to pay for his food, his cigarettes, his entertainment. Its exceedingly difficult to get everything I need to get done accomplished with Alex around. Its not his fault, I just get really focused when I have a long list of things to take care of, and I'm just not fun to be around. He's trying hard to find a job, and so am I, but no one is hiring now. So, I have no idea how long he'll be staying with me. It'll probably be at least a couple of weeks though. Even if he finds a job right away it will take awhile to save up enough money for a security deposit on a new apartment. Hopefully it doesn't really fuck this relationship up, I'm just worried all the time together is going to make me irritable. At least I have all my medications again and am in a better mood.
In more bad news I am still horribly broke. I had to take out a payday advance to cover rent since I accidentally put that dinner on my debit card instead of my credit card. On top of it, Borders cut my hours a lot. I went from working 32 hours a week to working 13 hours a week. I don't know if its just because I had two days requested off next week, or if this is permanent...either way its going to put a huge dent in the last paycheck for this month, which means I probably wont make rent again. Even if I get another job right away, my first paycheck wont come until early August. Then what am I going to do at the end of August when school starts back? I won't be able to work two jobs then unless I'm doing like one shift a week for each. So, I'm going to have to lie at any interview and say that I'll be able to work reduced hours during the school year. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it and someone will just end up getting fucked over. Right now its hard to think that I'd leave Borders...they're nice to me and they pay me well. But, if I can get a better-paying job elsewhere it would be hard to give that up. That's if I can find another job...I've been sending out applications anywhere I can think of...but I've already applied at every place I can think of. I'm having to drag up places I wouldn't have considered working previously. I don't even want to start a new job, its such a hassle. Especially if its only going to last a month.
I don't even want to begin thinking about school. I got my financial aid information, and my award went way up since Austin will be in school this next semester as well. It still wont be enough to cover all of it, and a third of it is in subsidized loans anyways. I'm thinking about using the 5000 my grandparents give me to just cover all my bills for the semester. It would be just the right amount. But my mom was a bitch about that. She told me she didn't trust me with the money and she was going to make sure that every last penny of it went towards my school expenses. I wasn't planning on spending it on anything else. On top of it all, come the end of August when Sam moves home I'll have to find money to pay for a desk, a desk chair, a bike, and a couch since I have to give all that shit back to him. I can't put much more on my credit card...there's already almost 7000 on there, and I only have 2000 more before I hit my limit. I have to put all my non-bill expense on there already because I don't have the money to pay for groceries and gas. This shit is stressing me out so much. I can't even have sex. I'm just too stressed and busy and worried to be horny. I need all of this figured out ASAP or I'm going to go fucking nuts.
Tomorrow is my day off and I already have a laundry list of shit that needs to get done. Turn in job apps, do laundry, do dishes, get groceries, return movies, return calls. Its going to take up my entire day. I can't even stay up and enjoy some hanging out time with Alex and his friend Jordan since I have to open Saturday morning. Blech! Its just all pissing me off right now.
On an odd note, I met the two guys who live across the hall from me last night. They came over to borrow some movies because they had "watched all of theirs already". Then the dude offered Alex and I a joint...and of course we didn't turn it down. It was odd, but at least it means that I have a contact for some smoke. I haven't been able to find it since school let out...and right now its a nice thing to have access to. Of course, I don't have any money to pay for it, but hopefully I can fix all of that soon.
Anyhow, Alex is waiting for me to get in bed with him, so I'll get back to this another day.
~till then |
|
|
| All Quiet on the Western Front |
[Jul. 11th, 2009|09:51 am] |
Not really, a lot has been happening.
Alex got a message from his landlord on Wednesday to let him know he's being evicted. He has until today to get everything out of his apartment. So, the last few days I've spent taking him around New Orleans finding work and an apartment. Looks like he'll probably be waiting tables in the quarter and living in an apartment complex about 6 blocks from me. I think its going to make both of our lives a lot easier. He can get away from all the drama and bullshit he has to deal with in Houma. I wont have to drive back and forth from their all the time. It costs me a ton of money and time to do that every weekend. I just need to be careful that we don't end up spending too much time together. I doubt that will be a problem since I tend to be pretty busy.
I didn't get put on the schedule at the new La Divina because Katie (the shitty manager) "lost my email address". What the fuck is that? My phone number is on the contact list at the home store...it would have been really easy to contact me. I even left a message for her, and she never called me back. I went by the new store to talk to her and she was complacent about it, like it didn't matter. She told me the next schedule she could use me is two fucking weeks from now, and that she doesn't need a whole lot of help because its been slow. So, I've now lost two weeks in my job search because I thought I had one secured. I'm actually really pissed about it, and I think I might even let Katrina know what a problem this has been. I think I'm going to go apply at Breaux Mart, the grocery store, for a job. I checked their website and they're definitely hiring. I need something now or I'm not going to have enough money for rent again this month. My mom is having trouble continuing to help me with it, and I feel bad asking for it. The next month my financial will have kicked in and my grandparents will have given me my money for the semester, so my bills will be covered for the entire school year. Just need to make it until then.
I accidentally forgot my credit card when I took Alex to dinner for his birthday and had to put it on my debit card. As a result, I didn't have enough money left in my account to cover rent, even though I had already written the check. So, I had to take out a fucking payday advance to cover it, and now I'm going to lose 240$, or about half of my paycheck to paying that back this week. Argh! I need money!
Anyhow, I need to drag Alex out of bed and get him back to Houma before his landlord comes by and throws all of his shit trash.
More to come later.
~Peace |
|
|
| Nothing New |
[Jul. 2nd, 2009|12:34 am] |
Not much has happened, since my last update.
Alex and I spent the weekend together again. Same old stuff pretty much, watched TV/Movies, I have showtime now, so we've been catching up on shows we didn't get to see. We had an argument about sex. I made it sound like I was uncomfortable around him in bed and that I missed sex with Sam. What I mean is that since Sam, I don't know so well how to have sex with new people, cuz I'm used to the same sex. We worked it out eventually. Looks like I'm back to being a bottom though. Alex isn't doing so well as a bottom considering his condition. I'm not so much of a bottom as I used to be, but I guess I'm about to change that. Whatever it takes to make him happy.
I haven't been feeling as optimistic as I should be, but I think that's because I've been off my medicine for too long. I sent my scripts off to the wrong pharmacy when we changed insurance. I ran out of Seroquel and Adderal. I finally got the script for Seroquel filled at the pharmacy today because I didn't want to wait for it to go through the mail and what not. They never sent the Adderal back, I'm assuming one of the assholes at their office stole it. So now I have to go to my doctor tomorrow and beg for a new one. I'm going to get back on the Seroquel tonight because my sleep hasn't been great. Hopefully I can get some Adderal ASAP, because that stuff is so helpful. It makes my days go well, keeps me in a good mood, and keeps from frickin' eating too much. I put on like 5 lbs. since I've been off the stuff because I get too hungry. Plus, I need to quit smoking, and I wont be able to until I get regulated again with the medicine. I slipped too much, started getting sad, sex drive went away. That was part of what pissed Alex off. I found an Adderal today and it made my day go so well. I hope Dr. Carr doesn't give me too much shit.
Anyhow, Alex and I are having a weekend together to celebrate his birthday. I'm taking him to the Aquarium and then out to dinner. We're going back to Houma on Sunday for a BBQ. Once I get in a better mood my outlook on this relationship should improve. I'm still trying to decide if Alex is someone I can spend a long time with. I need to get him into a New Orleans apt. and get him a job to remove some of the pressure on this relationship. I'm in massive debt now, I don't even want to talk about how much money is on my credit card. I don't know how I'm going to take care of it, but hopefully with this fall's student loans I can take care of some it. Hopefully I'll get some help with a couch, bike, and desk for my birthday (which is only 19 days away by the way!), otherwise I'll have to put it all on my card. Ugh...anyways, I'm going to get back to watching the last episode of season one of True Blood!
Love ya~
Nick |
|
|
| Much Better |
[Jun. 23rd, 2009|01:20 pm] |
Things have calmed down a lot since last weekend. Alex came back up to New Orleans last Friday and went and hung out with Sara and Betsy and Josh who were in town for the weekend. We had fun, drank a bunch, same old same old. I was a little worried because Alex is fairly blunt when it comes to talking about gay sex and what not and I thought it was going to put off my friends, but apparently they loved him. Saturday I left him at the apartment while I went to work and his friend John came over. When I got home we met up with Sara and them to go out to the quarter. We were going to go to the Ruby Fruit, but they installed some video poker machines, so now you have to be 21 to get in, thank god I'm turning 21 in exactly 4 weeks! Yay! I took Alex back to Houma on Sunday and we went over to Kendall/Bambi's house so they could practice their talent for Ms. Gay USA in August. Delicious bailed on them because Bambi got in a fight with her, so they're trying to get me to help with the talent. Fortunately, it doesn't involve me getting in drag. They're doing a scene from the Devil Wears Prada and all I have to do is come out on stage in a suit and introduce them. So, we'll see how that goes. I also went to Alex's aunt's house for father's day which was kind of odd. They're were like 20 people there and I just felt kind of out of place. Since then I've just been working and taking care of errands. Grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. I've almost finished cleaning up the apt., just need to dishes. I need to vacuum out my car and then I'll be done. I'm getting a little worried about money. I'm not going to have the cash to cover this rent so I'm going to have to break down and ask my parents to take care of it again. I'm having to put way too much on my credit card and now I'm several thousand dollars in debt. I need to get started back at La Divina ASAP so I can start paying rent on my own and paying off this credit card. Plus, we're supposed to be going on vacation to Cedar Point next month and I need to save up money for that. I really need Alex to get a job again so that I wont have to keep paying for his stuff when he's in town.
Hopefully, he'll be moving up to New Orleans in a couple of weeks. Things with his mother have reached a breaking point and he's ready to leave Houma. I don't blame him, I think he needs it. Plus, him living here would take an enormous amount of strain off this relationship. I can't afford to keep driving down to Houma every week. Once I start working my second job I simply wont have the time, and the same applies for when school starts back up in a couple of months. I'd hate for that to ruin this because its going so well. However, we haven't had sex in a quite a while now because Alex still hasn't been to see the GI doctor. I really hope he gets on that soon! Plus, if he wants this to work he really needs to go back to working and what not, because right now he's basically a total scrub, and its not cute.
I moved up to the Core Challenge Pilates yesterday, it was intense and I'm pretty sore now. But, I can also feel my muscles tightening up and my flexibility improving. I'm definitely keeping it up until I get that rock hard body. I've gone back to eating fresh and natural foods, its so much healthier, and better for the environment. Speaking of which, I've begun work on my solar initiative at Tulane. I contacted BP and a couple of Tulane's administrators to start getting and idea of how this is going to work, and I hope it will really start gaining some momentum.
Anyhow, that's all that's been going on recently, nothing to exciting.
Until another day!
~Nick |
|
|
| Queen Drama |
[Jun. 18th, 2009|12:43 am] |
Not drama queen...I hung out with a lot of drag queens over the last week, and it was a lot of drama.
DAY I & II
I picked up Alex after work Thursday afternoon and his friend Toby...who really only goes by Delicious...met us at my apartment around 9. We packed into my car and hit the road for Mobile. We went over to Josh and Jamie's house. Josh is a drag queen and Jaime is a hair stylist...they've been dating for a month and already live together. They are completely insane. The entire time we were there they bickered at each other. Josh bossed Jaime around and had been making him take care of all the preparations for the show Friday night. We were supposed to go out to a club, but they were busy doing stuff to get ready. So, I just went and bought a case of Michelob Ultra and sat around while they did drag stuff. As usual, they kept us up until like 3 in the morning, then Delicious, Alex, and I had to share a bed and I couldn't get any sleep because they kept talking all night. We got up and went for some lunch and then went about getting them some wigs, lashes, makeup, etc. for the show. I went to the mall to get a new lip ring and an outfit to wear that night, but I couldn't find anything. So I got all done up and we went out to this place called Visions Twist in downtown Mobile. I showed up in a shitty mood because Alex got into a fight with the other queens because he was "taking too long to get ready". So I was already tired of the shit when I showed up. Then, the show proceeded to suck, one of the drag queens left in the middle of the show and didn't do her number. Josh was not a good performer. Plus, the audience sucked, halfway through the show they completely stopped paying attention and weren't tipping at all. Which of course pissed Delicious and Alex off, so they started trash talking the audience. Then, during Alex's last number he got pissed and stripped down to nothing but his pantie hoes and undies and ran around the audience getting in people's faces and flicking off everyone. So, we went out the back to the balcony that had been turned into a horrible makeshift dressing room to pack up and leave cuz everyone was pissed. But, the stupid bar owner's son had to start yelling at all the performers because he was pissed about how they carried themselves. Which was completely stupid, because the owner had already said she wasn't upset with their behavior and was sorry that the audience had sucked. So, while we were upstairs the owner's son punched one of our friends in the face, which proceeded to turn into an all out bar fight with chairs flying and drag queens attacking. I had to call the police to come break it up and start herding all the queens to their cars so we could get the fuck out of there. Then, Alex decided to go back to the bar to find Josh so he could tell him to come let us back into the house so we could get our stuff and leave. Two big 'ole dikes and some fat Jew stopped him and wouldn't let him in. It wasn't such a problem until the big Jew called him a bitch, at which point Alex reached over the dikes, punched him in the face, and ran. I had to clothesline the two dikes and hold back the Jew. I finally tracked down Alex and Delicious, threw them in the car, and then burned out of that parking lot. We went back to Josh's and packed up our shit, and Alex decided that we ought to go back downtown to the gay bar across the street. At this point I was fucking pissed, I just wanted to go to IHOP and get a hotel room for the night. So, we go to this other place and head upstairs. Of course the place was dead, and the only people we saw there were people from the bar that we had just fled from. I managed to squeeze a drink out of Alex, and then some dude bought a round of shots for the bar, of which I took two. After which, Alex decided to cut me off, which I really didn't appreciate since I was the one who had to put up with all the bullshit. When we finally got out of the bar, the dude who had bought the round of shots stopped us and invited us to a strip club down the street. I begged them not to go, but they dragged me there anyways. At least the guy was still buying drinks, so I just ordered a double jack on the rocks so I could get my money's worth. However, it was 2 AM and already last call, so we finally managed to head to IHOP. At least the waitress was cool. She let us pour our beers into cups and bring into the bar with us. Alex mentioned we were looking for some weed, at which point she invited us out to her car where we smoked a joint with her. She put out the joint and gave us the last half to take home! So, we finally roll out of IHOP at like 4 in the morning and I drive us to the Motel 6 at the interstate because I was way to drunk/tired to drive us all the way back to New Orleans. Alex and Delicious started getting on again, despite the fact that the sun was already come up, and I needed to be up for 1030 so that I could be back in the city in time to get ready for work. Alex got all pissed at me because he cut his finger on a razor and I totally ignored him. In my defense, he always acts so fragile and lets the tiniest shit get to him. The worst was when he tickled me the other night, and I jerked in reflex and popped him in the nose. I told him I wasn't apologizing because he new better, which just pissed him off again. Whatever. Don't fucking tickle me. Anyhow, I drove them back to New Orleans and got ready for left and went to work.
Day III
Alex and Delicious got into drag at my apartment while I was at work for their show that night in Baton Rouge. I got off work and came home to find the apartment an absolute disaster. I was also pleased to get a horribly bitchy email from Alex when I left work because he couldn't find me at Borders when he came to drop off my keys. Unfortunately, he had just come by when I happened to be upstairs in the break room, off headset, getting ready to get back on the floor. So I was already in a shitty mood when I got on the road at midnight to meet up with them in Baton Rouge. The show was over when I showed up, so I met them at Baton Rouge's gay club, Splash. I was further pissed when the doorman asked me for cover, which no one informed me I would need. I didn't have any cash, so I had to make Delicious pay to get me in. As soon as we made it on the dance floor some guy pushed into the middle of our group and started talking shit. After it escalated the guy grabbed Alex's wig, and then Alex punched him in the face and ran again. The dude was bleeding from his face. Fortunately, Alex was in the clear on that one and the bar owner kicked the other guy out, which started another fight in the parking lot between the guy and his friends. So, I followed around the group for the next 20 minutes until the bar closed and then got dragged over to a drag queens house for an after party. That turned out to be shit, a bunch of loud bitch old men wearing woman's clothes and lots of make up. So, we left there...Alex, his friend John, Delicious, and I decided to go to another party at his friend Phil's house. This consisted of about 8 minors sitting on his porch drinking cheap booze and talking shit. Alex got in a fight with another kid there, fortunately, this time it didn't lead to a fist fight. So, we finally blew out of there at like 4 in the morning and drove John home. We were going to sleep there, but John had to get up for work at like 9:30, which was only 4 hours away, and I decided we should just drive back to New Orleans so that I wouldn't get broken sleep. Alex fell asleep in the car, then I fell asleep in the car, nearly sending us careening into the swamp. Alex got pissed...again. Then I told him I didn't want to go to drag shows anymore. I don't like being forced to stay up all night, meet a bunch of annoying people, and being paraded around with two drag queens who intentionally piss off every single person they see by screaming obscenities at them. I just don't like being around it. Alex then told me he was giving up drag, which pissed me off, because I didn't want him giving it up for me. This continued for the last 30 minutes to my house, and then somehow ended up with me crying in my bed telling him how I didn't do well in committed relationships anymore because of my breakup with Sam. Something I said pissed him off and he went out for a walk. I went downstairs and smoked a cigarette, we met back upstairs, declared the argument over, and went to bed at 8 AM in the morning.
DAY IV
We finally woke up at 2 in the afternoon and I prodded him to start getting ready so that we could leave in time for the Taking Back Sunday concert that evening. Of course, it took him way to long and we got on the road 5 minutes before the show started, knowing that it would take 45 minutes to get there. I stopped 2 minutes from the house to get some cigarettes at which point Alex started acting really sick and what not. I also noticed that I didn't have enough gas to get us there and back and had lost my credit card the night before. With no cash in my bank account I had to turn us around and take us back home. So, we didn't get to go to the concert that I spent 60$ on. We rented Bride Wars and My Bloody Valentine 3D, which both turned out to be shitty movies, and then went to bed.
DAY V
We got up late again, I cooked some food and invited Sara over for dinner. We hung out for a little bit, caught Sara up on everything that happened, and then Sara took me to Breaux Mart to get some eggs so I could bake sugar cookies. She gave me 20 buck so I could gas in my car so that I could take Alex back to Houma the next morning. She also let us borrow the True Blood DVD's which we watched when we got home. Its a really good show.
DAY VI
My alarm didn't go off on time, so I couldn't take Alex back to Houma before work. So I worked a full day at Border's and came home to him, we watched more True Blood. I hardly got to eat anything all day because I was out of food, and still had no money and no credit card. I had the last two eggs for breakfast, a couple sugar cookies we had made the night before, and a sugar cookie I bought at work with the few coins I could muster.
DAY VII (Today)
I took Alex home this morning, we had lunch at this nice little place in Houma with some money he got from his mom. He left me with a few dollars to buy a pack of cigarettes with on the way home. I went to work again at Borders today. It was insanely busy, and I was fucking exhausted by my lunch break. I realized I left my camera bag in Mobile, which has the 1000$ worth of camera equipment that represents my most prized possession. So, I now have to drive back to Mobile this weekend just to pick that up. I'm thinking I'm going to turn into an opportunity to spend and afternoon at the beach. Of course, I don't think I'm going to be able to go on Friday, because I still have no money and no credit card. In fact, I think my only source of food tomorrow and Friday will be Honey Bunches of Oats because that's all I have left in my kitchen. I'll get paid Friday night so I'll finally be able to get food and put gas in my car.
GENERAL NEWS:
The fight with Alex has brought us to a weird point in our relationship. He busted out, "I Love You" right before we went into the bar in Mobile, which was completely unexpected and seriously caught me off guard. Of course, we had already had that awkward moment where I thought I was going to tell it to him a couple of weeks ago. Now I'm really confused. I think this weekend was a bad gauge of the status of our relationship. It was stressful, tiresome, and predisposed me to be a bitch to him for the rest of the week. By the time all that shit was over I was just missing my alone time and found myself getting easily irritated by him. I'll have to reassess when we get to spend time together again. I miss our older days when we just chilled and talked and there was no drama. Just sitting around playing guitar hero, watching movies, getting stoned and doing stupid shit. To make things worse, we're still not having full on sex because he hasn't been to see his GI doctor yet and has been told there can be no penetration. That is continuing to get old. Don't get me wrong, we still fool around and do everything else, which is very good, but its getting monotonous. Plus, as stressed out and irritated as I was, its been difficult to enjoy it as much. Alex also said he though I might be hypomanic, which is funny, because I was thinking the same. Now that I've had a couple solid nights sleep I feel much better. Throwing off my sleep cycle is what screws with my mood, so hopefully that'll go away. The other possibility is that my mood is off because I haven't been taking my Seroquel. It's been leaving me feeling too tired and hung over in the morning. Plus, now I'm out and it'll be a couple weeks before I get more in the mail probably. If things escalate I'm going to have to go to Dr. Carr and explain the problem to him and see if he can write me a new script to fill in until the other one comes. Anyhow, I'm just a little worried because I don't feel the same with Alex as I did with Sam. I'm not sure if that's bad or good....I really do love Alex, but I don't know. It's just confusing me. By the way, if you just read that Alex, don't bother speaking to me again. You know you forbidden from reading this journal. In other news, my kitchen is destroyed. Every single dish I own is dirty, it will probably take me two hours to clean them all in the morning. Then I have an interview at Restoration Hardware for an Assistant Manager position, which I would love. The hours would be great and so would the pay, not to mention the employee discount on all their awesome stuff. We'll have to see who gets to me first, La Divina or Restoration Hardware, because I need to start a second job immediately. I'm not going to have enough money to make rent again this month. It doesn't help that I accidentally overdrafted my account and now owe Sara 25$. That takes 100$ out of my paycheck, plus another 75$ or so to cover gas and food until I can at least get my new credit card. I would say that leaves me with enough to cover about half of rent. My parents aren't going to be happy about that, but there's not much else I can do. Speaking of which, let me break down how much this weekend cost me.
Gas: 60$
Hotel Room: 55$
Food: 40$
Beer/Cigs: 25$
That's more that 175$ for a 3 day adventure that I didn't even enjoy. Neither Alex nor delicious chipped in for gas or the hotel, and I even had to buy all but one of Alex's meals. Our relationship is proving to be quite expensive. I spend a lot on gas driving back and forth to Houma to see him, as well as feeding and entertaining him the entire time were together.
Right now I'm just looking forward to my Birthday bash in mid-July and Alex and I's trip to Cedar Point in August.
Anyhow, I guess that's enough for now. I should get to bed so I can get up early enough to do dishes and still have time for Pilates.
~peace |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=91.6){kind=small}
pistolaboy's journal